What to Expect of Your Time in a Chrysalis of Personal Transformation

For supporting personal growth, a chrysalis is a protective space and time that allows you to reflect on who you’ve been and you are becoming. It can be mostly a solitary period, but it is work you mostly need to do by yourself.

During your time in your chrysalis of personal growth, like a caterpillar that digests itself and dissolve all of its tissues, you’ll digest who you’ve been and where it’s gotten you by taking a good hard look at your crap – those limiting beliefs and behaviors that aren’t doing it for you anymore. The chrysalis provides the time and space to decide to keep what works and let go of what doesn’t. Like the caterpillar, the point is to change from one way of being to another. Just as the caterpillar’s body breaks down and turns into something new, you’ll break down ways of thinking and acting, keeping what is authentic, letting go of what is not really you, uncover aspects of you that were hidden, and rediscovering your innate gifts that you are meant to use thereafter.

The point of going into a chrysalis period is to know more of who you are by the time you come out. This means, you must let go of the expectations others projected on to you, especially expectations from when you were a child. The transformation that occurs while you’re in the chrysalis is moving from pleasing others to pleasing yourself – it’s letting go of the ego or personality in favor of a more authentic you. So, what can you expect while you’re going through the soul-searching of the chrysalis?

• Intensification or increase of pain.

If you’re like me, you tend to gloss over all pain, including the pain of personal growth. This type of pain comes from the loss of habits you have identified yourself with -- that have defined how you’ve been showing up -- and the loss of the beliefs and assumptions that drive that identity.

• Fear of loss.

We fear losing the approval of friends and family and the wider social structures around us (like religions, clubs, and other affiliations) that previously influenced our behavior and thoughts. When you consider that you lost your authenticity to begin with because you chose attachment to others around you for your survival, this becomes a core component of the real work you’ll do in the chrysalis.

• Get used to paradox.

A big part of maturing is coming to grips with paradox, the idea that two seemingly conflicting points of view can be true at the same time without choosing one over the other. As you grow and change, you become better at seeing past dualities to the interconnected polarities formed by pairs of opposites. Thus, for example, you accept that you are both “wonderful” and “awful” … that life is both “stable” and “changing” … that the world is both “safe” and “dangerous”, etc. If you cannot move past seeing the world in either/or terms, your chances of meaningful personal growth diminish, making it more likely you will become more fearful and stuck.

• Rely more on instinct.

Like the caterpillar in the chrysalis who is working on instinct, have faith in your own unique journey rather than relying on logic and analysis or what others have done. Go with your gut and allow things to unfold instead of trying to make your transformation happen in a certain way or within a certain time frame. Be aware, reflect, and respond to what shows up.

• Less “doing”; more “being”.

Your time in the chrysalis of transformation is the time for reflection. Living in Western society, you’ve been trained that you have to act to make things happen. What you might not be good at is “being” and not doing. Your time in the chrysalis is the perfect time to spend time in reflection and allow things to unfold – patiently go inward and let everything else to show up in its own time.

“Patience doesn’t mean making a pact with the devil of denial, ignoring our emotions and aspirations. It means being wholeheartedly engaged in the process that’s unfolding, rather than ripping open a budding flower or demanding a caterpillar hurry up and get that chrysalis stage over with.” Sharon Salzberg

You will know your time in the chrysalis of transformation is complete when you no longer want to do what you used to do, no longer behave how you use to behave, or no longer have what you used to have. These are signals you have expanded your awareness, and like the butterfly, there is no way to return to your previous caterpillar self. If you undergo a true metamorphosis, you won’t revert to old ways. Full of new wisdom, you can now emerge from your chrysalis to share your experience and the new knowledge you gained along the way.

Then, you can look forward to the next time you are ready to go into a chrysalis.