What Psyche Can Teach You About Being Authentic

Is it difficult for you to find the right balance between getting things done without coming across as uncaring or aloof? Are you often overwhelmed with everything you need to accomplish? Do you hold yourself back because it never seems the right time to tackle a tough task?

You receive many and often conflicting messages about how you are supposed to show up for others at home and work. Making sense of these mixed messages can be distracting and down right maddening. It can cause you to hesitate, feel overwhelmed, or not stand up for yourself. Ultimately, you may act inauthentically – like an impostor -- and keep yourself from reaching your goals and your full potential.

If this sounds familiar, the timeless Greek myth about the four tasks of Psyche provides guidance for how to be authentic in everything you do.

The Story of Eros and Psyche

Psyche, a beautiful mortal woman, fell in love with and married, a mysterious “man”, who turned out to be Eros, the god of love. He was the son Aphrodite who was so jealous of Psyche’s beauty that she had jinxed Psyche to keep her from falling in love with any mortal man. As things often do in Greek myths, Aphrodite’s jinx backfired on her, and her own immortal son, Eros, fell in love with Psyche. They married with the stipulation that Psyche could never actually look at him to conceal his true magnificence and to keep the news from reaching his mother.

However, Psyche couldn’t help herself. She was compelled to set eyes on this wonderful “man” she had married. So, she went into his bedroom one night, carrying an oil lamp to behold him and a knife to protect herself in case he turned out to be a monster. Using the lamp, she gazed at Eros while he was sleeping in the dark. Unfortunately, the lamp dripped hot oil on Eros which awakened him. Eros interpreted Psyche’s sneaking in on him as a sign she mistrusted him, so he ran off and abandoned her. Psyche was heart-broken and sought advice and help from Aphrodite to get Eros back, while still ignorant that she was her mother-in-law.

Jealous and enraged, Aphrodite saw an opportunity to be rid of Psyche once and for all. She devised four seemingly impossible tasks for Psyche to complete to be reunited with Eros. It’s these four tasks of Psyche that provide guidance for illuminating a situation (the dripping lamp), dissecting it, and cutting away what doesn’t serve you (the knife). Doing so, allows you to make a decision that is authentic for you in your home and work relationships.

1. Task #1 – Sorting Seeds.

For the first task, Aphrodite put Psyche in a room that was full of many types of seeds mixed in one big pile. She instructed Psyche to sort the seeds overnight if she wanted Eros back. Seeing so many tiny seeds to sort, Psyche reacted with overwhelm, not knowing how she would to do it in such a short amount of time. Then, a line of diligent ants entered the room and began to sort the tiny seeds for her and accomplished the task overnight, foiling Aphrodite’s plan to make Psyche fail.

The lesson: A situation may seem daunting at first, but you must examine what you have to contend with. So, listen to that little voice inside you (ants) to diligently sift and sort through all available information that helps you decide what is important based on your purpose, priorities, and values.

2. Task #2 – Nabbing the Golden Fleece at the Right Time.

Aphrodite then assigned Psyche the task of collecting the prized golden fleece from the nasty Rams of the Sun. Again, Psyche reacted with despair and overwhelm, thinking this task was impossible because these rams didn’t mess around; they were large, tough, no-nonsense, powerful creatures. Then, a flexible green reed came to Psyche’s aid and advised her she could avoid the nasty rams and still get their fleece if she waited until they left the field at the end of the day. Then, she could pick their fleece from the bramble bushes they had brushed up against during the day. Aphrodite was foiled again.

The lesson: Be flexible enough (like the reed) to watch and wait for the opportune time to go after what you want. There may be a way to accomplish things with less direct conflict, allowing you to both get things done and maintain relationships.

3. Task #3 – Filling the Flask.

Next, Aphrodite devised a task where Psyche had to fill a flask with water from a precariously positioned stream, which was guarded by intimidating dragons. Psyche again reacts with despair and doubt at her ability to fill the flask. Then, Zeus’s eagle arrived, grabbed the flask, and flew to an opportune spot in the stream to fill it for her. Psyche wins again.

The lesson: When you get overwhelmed when deciding how to engage with a situation, pull back like the eagle to get a broader perspective of the bigger picture to spot patterns. Then, pick out the salient details before making a final decision for how to proceed.

4. Task #4 – Fetching Beauty Cream in the Underworld.

Finally, Aphrodite sent Psyche to the Underworld to refill her beauty ointment. To make things even more difficult, Aphrodite sent three pitiful and desperate people in the Underworld to beg Psyche for help to distract her from the quest. A tall tower advised Psyche to harden her heart, ignore the distractions, and concentrate on fulfilling her task. Psyche was again successful. Game, set and match to Psyche.

The lesson: Establish and enforce personal boundaries as you consciously choose to say “yes” or “no” to others’ requests, based on your values and goals.

Thus, Psyche completed the four tasks, bested Aphrodite, and won back her beloved Eros.

You may not need or apply all of Psyche’s lessons in the same way. Still, when you face a dilemma or get confusing feedback that reflects someone else’s perspective on who you’re supposed to be, think of Psyche’s lessons and apply those that are applicable in a way that is authentic for you:

1. Listen to your own instincts or intuition to pursue what’s important to you.

2. Be flexible and wait for the opportune time to go after what you want.

3. Determine what is relevant by getting a broader perspective.

4. Make conscious choices by enforcing appropriate personal boundaries and basing your actions on your values and goals.