Use a Resilient Mindset to Make the Most of the Challenging Times of Initiation Cycles

Are you able to make the most of challenging circumstances to become a better person? There ways to optimize challenging situations when you first notice things are “off” or not normal, which signals you’re entering a cycle of initiation.

An initiation cycle is a cycle of change and transformation we all experience countless times throughout life. Some are short and some seem like they’ll never end. If done consciously with awareness, these cycles can reveal your innermost self to yourself and help you let go of limiting beliefs and coping behaviors that don’t work for you anymore, allowing you to become more of your true, authentic self.

Beginning in the “separation” phase, when you first notice you’re entering a challenging situation or period of time, you can create a resilient mindset by doing these things:

1. Notice the change or the “separation” from what you have known before. For example, I had a job and noticed that I wasn’t involved in discussions and decisions that were directly within the purview of my position.

2. Grieve the loss of what you thought was true. When I refer to “grieving” I mean allow yourself to feel the feelings you have. In my case, I was angry and frustrated at the time. If I look back on it now, I was also sad, hurt, and insecure, but I wouldn’t have admitted that back when this all happened.

Also, notice where your emotions are showing up in your body. With me, I don’t remember consciously doing this, but I bet I would have felt these the anger and frustration in my face that will flush when I’m angry and my throat and chest that get tight when I’m sad.

3. Foster appreciation for the chance to grow. This is more helpful than fighting, ignoring, or glossing over whatever is happening. If you are appreciative of being able to address the discomfort that comes with being in the challenge of an initiation cycle, you are more likely to be open to realizing why you’re feeling the negative emotions you feel. This allows you to get to the bottom of where they are coming from. And on a more practical level, feeling appreciation allows you to approach the situation with more creativity in resolving it than you would have if you stay in “victim” mode.

I must admit in my circumstance, I was not appreciative of what was going on, and my anger just kept me stuck and led me to come up with all kinds of ways the others involved were mean, bad, and wrong. Not productive. Had I been more open to the circumstance, I might have had better conversations about being left out of clearly relevant situations for my position to be involved in. And these better conversations could have led to being involved more and some new learning for all of us to relate to and include each other in decisions professionally.

4. Reframe what’s changed from your “normal” from something that is unwanted to an opportunity to learn. After all, the main point of these initiatory situations is to learn more about yourself.

In my case, the situation I was in could have been an opportunity for me to learn how to ask to be included. Instead, I fumed and labeled others as “ignorant” and “controlling” and felt like a victim. The situation could have been an opportunity to learn more about how they saw my position or to suggest how they could use my abilities better. It could also have been a way to practice not having control things and to let someone else worry about next steps or the final outcome.

5. Look at how your shadow might be showing up in the situation. Your shadow are parts of yourself you don’t want to admit to or that you have disowned. In my case, I can see now that I was feeling vulnerable and that led me to wanting to get more control in the situation. Both of these qualities are aspects of myself I don’t want to admit are a part of me. I usually pretend that I’m tough and unbothered.

6. Reflect on possibilities for limiting beliefs and behaviors you need to let go of. This is the crux of these challenging initiation cycles. Had I been more conscious and aware, I would have seen my need to control more clearly. I can see now that as a child being in control got me through difficult times because I learned to control situations before they controlled me. But as an adult in this instance, it wasn’t productive for me. Had I realized this, I could have done the work to let go of my attachment to being this way.

Throughout the entire initiation cycle, these same attitudes and mindsets will serve you well. But becoming consciously aware of them from the very beginning of a challenging situation will help you face the challenge head-on, alert to and aware that there is something for you to examine, to learn from, and to let go of or transform.

Challenging times are uniquely designed for you to go deeper into yourself or even to mend emotionally charged issues from your childhood. These initiations are there to reveal yourself to yourself, giving you a chance throw off pieces of your false self, or persona, and grow into a bigger, better life. That’s why it’s important to start the cycle off right by getting into a resilient mindset as soon as you notice it’s starting.