The Power and Freedom of Being "In Between"

“Music is the space between the notes.” Claude Debussy

This quote by Debussy intrigues me and made me interested in the in-between times and spaces. For example, the space you can create between someone else’s words and deeds and your response to it; the space between endings and new beginnings in your life; and the space between people as they interact with each other.

It’s important to pay attention these “in between” situations and spaces, so you become aware of the power you can harness to shape yourself and your future.

In between spaces and times are referred to as “liminal”, which means “threshold, cross-piece, sill”. It comes from a Latin word (limen) for “a boundary, limit, border” and from an even older word meaning “to lie crosswise”. Just as a door threshold runs across the bottom of a doorway, it marks moving from one space and another. In short, liminal spaces and circumstances denote moving through a boundary and being in times of transition.

Hecate, the Goddess of Liminal Spaces

In Ancient Greece, Hecate, a liminal goddess, ruled over those places and times that are “in between”, like Midnight and twilight, doorways, crossroads and stairways. She was in the place of no place and time of no time. Her magic was drawn from the moment between breaths and heartbeats. Her liminal nature represents the ambiguous nature of crossroads that were seen as a place of enormous power reserve. More importantly, she was known for revealing the transformation yet to occur along with what it would take to get there with the wisdom to lead you out of the darkness and into the light of new life. For this reason, Hecate was known for leading one to their 'chosen' path.

When you think of liminal space in a building, think hallways, lobbies, and stairwells. Transportation hubs, railways, and crossroads are liminal spaces and circumstances that exist between your location of departure and that of your destination.

But liminal “space” doesn’t have to be a physical location. Psychologically, mentally and emotionally, you can find yourself in “in between”, liminal situations during common life events, such as graduations, being between jobs, being in the middle of a change initiative at work that hasn’t completely come to fruition, being in the process of getting divorced or married, or moving to a new house or a new city.

Liminal situations are awkward and can be uncertain because in these situations, you’re no longer solidly in your former status, and yet you haven’t quite made it fully into your new status. Thus, being in a liminal situation can feel very unsettled and unsettling.

Being unsettled and uncertain makes the space “in between” hard to navigate, especially if you haven’t had practice at being there before. When in the “in between”, the temptation is to move quickly either back to where you came from or towards the direction you’re heading.

The Power of the “In Between”

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Viktor E. Frankl

When you get “set off” by something or someone, between what happened and your unconscious reaction you can take a moment to interrupt your automatic threat response and choose how you want to be. Instead of reacting immediately and without conscious thought, you can take the time and create some space between what happened and the action you will take (or not). This is the power in this type of space between. Creating liminal space before responding opens you up to new possibilities for how to show up in what are normally very stressful situations.

The power of liminality also occurs during conversations with other people. I’m referring to more than the physical space between people in conversation. The metaphorical space between people holds so much meaning, intention, and assumptions that can affect the interaction if you’re only aware of it. But from childhood into adulthood in Western society, you have been trained to pay attention mostly to your own behavior and thoughts.

At some point in life, however, you will realize that it’s not all about you. Rather you realize that you are part of a web of interactions in which other people affect you and you affect other people and that it’s often what is going on “in between” you and others that is extremely powerful but silent.

The liminal “space” between people holds a “meeting of minds” or not. It’s the place where the ideas you share and don’t share are held and mixed with everyone else’s. And if you’re aware enough to tap into that liminal mixture of shared assumptions, beliefs, and ideas, you can sense and see new ideas and dreams emerging.

Unfortunately, if you’re like most people, you are often not paying attention to what’s going on in the “in between” of conversations because you’re probably too concerned with your own point of view. Thus, things can get tense. When this happens, the parties want to retreat and return back to a “safe”, more congenial state. So, the conversation hangs there and gets tabled or put off until another time, or the person leading the conversation may make a decision by fiat, and that’s that.

The Freedom of Liminal Space

Because liminal space is betwixt and between, it’s mushy and undefined. It’s not your old way of being or doing, and it’s not yet your new way of being or doing. But in addition to power, you can find freedom in the spaces “in between”. Although awkward and uncertain, liminal space does afford you a place to:

• just “be” and reflect;

• listen to your inner guidance;

• open up to different perspectives;

• foster insight, creativity, and innovation to address complex problems or point you in new directions;

• take risks and experiment with new ideas and activities; and

• make mistakes or completely fail without judgment as a part of the process.

Thus, taking advantage of liminal times and spaces frees you up to learn when you wouldn’t normally have had to luxury to do that in the more defined parameters of your past or future.

In short, the power and freedom of liminal spaces – the in between-ness you experience – is a grace period that allows you to break with the past and to prepare for and create a new and better future.

So don’t despair when you go into these in-between spaces and times. Whether you’re paying more attention to the relational space between you and your colleagues at work or friends and family at home; the space between someone else’s words or actions that set you off; or the circumstances or time between something that has ended while you await what is coming for you in the future, embrace liminal time and circumstances as a liberating time to formulate new responses, ideas, and visions of a better future.

After all, as DeBussy observed, the space between is what makes the music.