Facing Your Shadow: Don't Be Afraid of Your Dark Side

This thing called your “shadow” is holding you back. Your shadow includes the disowned parts of yourself you are probably not completely aware of because you believed it was in your best interest to keep these aspects hidden. It’s made up of the qualities your parents, teachers, and society judged you for when you were younger.

You subconsciously stowed away these qualities deep inside so your parents would accept and protect you. They include weaknesses you perceived in yourself but are not necessarily negative traits. These could be traits such as being independent, having a sensitive nature, or not allowing yourself to show certain emotions.

Despite your best efforts at hiding your shadow qualities, they inevitably show up even if you don’t realize it. They reflect back to you in the qualities of the people you dislike, in negative judgments you make about others, and in the "constructive" feedback you receive at work.

To get a feel for the shadow and how it shows up, think about someone in the public eye – politicians, celebrities, or other notable people. Choose a public figure you don’t like even though you don’t personally know them. In all likelihood, the quality that irks you is also an aspect of your personality that you may not realize shows up in you -- maybe to a different degree, but it's in you.

Myths or goddesses related to the shadow

The psychological shadow is often represented in stories even today. Even the ancient myths had such characters, often in the form of the “dark” goddesses -- “dark” because they represent chaos and the unseen energies that help tear things down, so they can be renewed and rebuilt. Some dark goddesses include Ereshkigal, Kali, Persephone, and Lillith – all of whom served the functions of death or destruction and renewal or rebirth.

There is still a fear or repulsion of these dark goddesses. The process of destruction and renewal or rebirth of the dark goddesses is a paradigm of the feminine archetype. So as the masculine archetype became dominant through patriarchy over the centuries, the dark goddesses were labeled “evil”. So, eventually, people avoided working with them.

However, on a personal level, the energies represented by the dark goddesses are there for your benefit. They help you tear down the traits and habits in your life that no longer serve you, so you can focus on transforming and reintegrating your shadow qualities for a renewed and more authentic sense of yourself.

Why You Should Love Your Shadow

“Everyone carries a shadow and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.” Carl Jung

When you rediscover and integrate your shadow qualities, you’ll realize many benefits:

1. Integrating your shadow qualities can be a powerful way to become a “better” person.

Each so-called negative quality can be beneficial. For example, anger can signal you need to set better boundaries. Sadness can indicate you need to face what’s happening and can help you form a connection with others. Rebelliousness shows your independent mind and your ability to stand up against authority to pursue what you believe is right. If you shy away from feeling vulnerable, keep in mind that the positive side of vulnerability fosters closeness, trust, intimacy.

2. You’ll have more compassion for yourself and others.

You’ll know what it takes to do shadow work and face aspects of yourself you’d rather not admit to.

3. Your shadow qualities round out how you show up and express yourself.

By owning your shadow qualities, you’ll be more authentic. Your negative traits will lose intensity and be expressed in a more productive and beneficial way.

4. Your physical, psychological, and emotional health improves.

Facing your shadow allows you to confront suppressed emotions and experiences that you have tried to ignore. As Jung stated, these instincts and experiences do not disappear when you suppress them. Instead, your shadow traits hide in your unconscious and show up as neuroses and even physical health problems. Shadow work brings these feelings and experiences into your consciousness, so you can address and accept them.

It may be difficult and disheartening to look at your shadow qualities, but you’ll be surprised at how much they can add to your life. Once you get started, it’s almost refreshing to learn that you can take the qualities you previously saw as negative and use them wisely and beneficial once you own them and bring them into the light of day.